Wanting It F*cks Us From Having It

I wake up this morning and catch myself wanting. Wanting to complete all my scheduled tasks, wanting to win the day and wanting my 13-year-old son to not be a hormonal mitch!

I stop before my head leaves the pillow and remind myself: you don’t want those things, you prefer them — but you have only 1 want. I will repeat this 100’s of times today.

Our mind is like a web browser: it takes us to the link you think. If we go to pornhub.com we will see genitals, if we go to cutecats.com we will see pussy. As we think the wants into our brain so goes the loading of our life.

Some look at me like I’m crazy to say that I don’t want those things. They can’t imagine possibly accomplishing anything if you don’t want it. Most of my life I would have agreed. But the reason I do it is simple.

It accomplishes two things that the best pills and shrinks in medicine could not

1) It stops anger and anxiety from ruining my days.

2) Gave me the best results in steadily accomplishing those things I REALLY prefer.

“Whoever then wishes to be free, let him neither wish for anything nor avoid anything which depends on others: if he does not observe this rule, he must be a slave.” Epictetus

Freed from those chains we find more tasks completed, more wins compiled and our sons to be stronger & kinder young men.

Tasks. Instead of making molehills into mountains, we make mountains into molehills.

To want the thing we can’t control slows or stops action our action. We look at the “big” tasks and goals of our life — we want to be the best at “x”, loose 200 lbs. or be a great parent. Those are all mountains that take time to climb. Yet every monumental climb is nothing but steps-by-steps, steps after slips and steps through doubts. They are all incredible hard, no one can change it — it’s a fucking mountain. But we can make it easy by making it into molehills.

When we stop wanting the top, and start having 1 want that is presently in our power it frees us to start DOING and stop incessant thinking of past, and future. Then we get to the gift we call the present. Having 1 want being only the work available to us in this moment frees us to crush out goals, complete our tasks and take todays steps of our championship climb.

Wins. If Curry shoots an open 3, it’s a good shot, no matter if it goes in.

Most of us have anxiety because, by definition, we cannot know if the shots we shoot — that we bleed for — will ever go in… and yet our only chance to make them is to keep shooting. By this our success in the long game of life is contingent on vigilante awareness to wanting only to take a good shot regardless of boos or applause. To be great we must be willing to take the best shots availed while letting go concern scoreboard not in our control. If you threw a perfect pass, and hit your receiver in the hands for a td, don’t waste time disparaging yourself, the opponent or the receiver — instead know it was a good shot and throw it again, and again, and again… you will have the best performance possible…. To want anything more is impossible. Wanting the impossible is a kind of crazy we make through feeding anxiety and anger.

We are empowered with a clear direction. When you’re in the heat of battle, or just in the middle of another hectic day — having a clear direction matters. Just as a gps gives you calm driving through traffic, constructions and closures on the road with its singular clear direction, 1 want does this to our life.

Is it better to wavier or have a clear direction? When we want things outside of our power the target always changes and our anger and anxieties flip flop with it. 1 clear want is calming and empowering to action no matter the chaos of our commute. How are we best served playing the competition of life? What example do we want for our children?

Kids have forever followed our example, not our advice.

I used anger and anxiety as motivation, so my son did too. It can be effective, but what if that anger starts hurting your life — is it worth the trophy? What if it just doesn’t work? How to motivate a climb to our full potential and not simply supplant the competition?

“Your mom died last night” I said to my 11-yearold son — he hadn’t seen her in years due to her raging addiction. “Do you think she knew I loved her?” he asked. “One day I’ll be on a podium after playing a professional game and this will be part of my story that will help others.”

At that moment I knew it worked, because while getting angry at his mother for leaving him and stealing from him motivated him to be the best QB and hold a championship trophy — it would not be enough to healthily survive a life full of suffering.

After years of using anger and anxiety as fuel it got me promotions, money and trophies…but this came hand in hand with addictions, regretful actions and lost relationships.

That’s why today I will remind myself countless times that I only have 1 want — everything else just degrees of preference. My awareness will watch my self-talk, and my son will hold me accountable to spoken words.

“I really want people to like this article I’m writing” I’ll say.

“You want people you don’t control to be controlled?” my son will question.

“I prefer they like it, but all I want is the work of doing it” I’ll answer with a smile.

Which will serve you better: wanting a lot of things you can’t control, or having 1 want always in your power?

It is not our life to live, only to think.

You have to share it to keep it

-Floyd